Am I the only one that secretly hopes Guy Fieri would crash that stupid convertible at the beginning of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”? He’s just so smug with his bleached hair, backward sunglasses, and stupid goatee.
Last Tuesday I was walking to the gym and a guy approached me and said “Man, you’re hella pretty.” I was feeling really good until I looked up and noticed he was cross-eyed… I’m not even sure he really saw me. Once I got there, I was on the StairMaster and an old man with moobs (male breasts) and pit stains told me not to stare at his ass while he bent down to get a drink from the drinking fountain. I laughed and then almost threw up.
On Saturday we went to see the Nutcracker. It was my first time seeing it and I was not prepared for the amount of small children at the show. I enjoyed the ballet but did not enjoy the little girl blowing snot out of her nose 3 inches from my face and the rustle of plastic bags from the snacks they all brought from home. Maybe I’m turning into a Scrooge.
That night we wound up at a bar and sat next to a table of older gentlemen. They struck up a conversation with us and after a couple minutes of small talk, one of the girls at the table looked at me and yelled “THAT’S MY DAD” and then his wife stormed off. I had no clue what was happening, but 2 minutes later two of the dads were on the ground leg wrestling… Maybe for my honor? Who knows.
On Sunday I made a huge batch of Vegan Minestrone with Soyrizo. If you haven’t tried Soyrizo, you should. It’s the tits as far as meat substitutes go.
I ate like 6 bowls of the Minestrone but was still craving something salty and greasy… specifically salt and vinegar chips. I was trying to fight off the craving all day but eventually caved and ran to Safeway around 7:30. I ended up eating THE ENTIRE BAG. I was a greasy, thirsty, sweaty ball of shame on my couch.
On Monday I sat on my couch and ate spoonfuls of Frank’s hot sauce. I’m not proud, but it IS calorie free.
After my binging episode on Sunday, I was trying to be good all week, which I was until yesterday. We had a Christmas cookie exchange at work at I ended up eating somewhere close to 30 cookies. As if that wasn’t enough, my spiral of shame continued when I got home and ate 5 pieces of pizza and drank 3 bottles of beer. Considering I’ll probably be eating pretty unhealthy while I’m on vacation this next week, it looks like I’ll be about 20 pounds heavier come 2012. Woof.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday full of family, friends, food, and fun. Also, keep the change, ya filthy animals.
Vegan Reason: Currently, a third of the land on our planet is used to raise farm animals. One large factory farm can create as much waste as the entire city of Los Angeles.